Anna's Slant

Upon your recommendation, I have placed this book on order from the interlibrary loan. It was due back today. When I was a kid, I just wanted to be invisible. Does that make me an introvert?

I have no interest to sit at home and read a book I am usually out and about all the time. However I do have a innie for a belly button, does that make me a introvert?

While I fear continuing this discussion may spawn a sub-set of "You might be an introvert if..." jokes, I assure you, true introverts do not feel any compulsion to "come out of the closet".

On the weekends I often just like to sit around reading, watching movies, and napping. My extroverted boyfriend seems to resent this, bitterly complaining that I spend "every other weekend on the couch." However, I also spend every other weekend going to social events, boring cocktail parties with his old friends where generally insipid small talk abounds, or concerts, which I enjoy but can't stand the crowds.

At work I have been reprimanded several times for not being "visible" and when I am busy leaving notes on people's desks instead of engaging them orally, face to face. I am expected to physically chase down these people because they are "busy, and won't read your e-mails." I feel completely underseige in this extrovert centered world where it seems there's no one that I can relate to or who understands me, even my boyfriend.

The other night we were meeting friends at a little college pub before a movie, the place is alive with college students all chattering at the top of their lungs and I am so disoriented I don't hear a guy asking me for ID, which annoys my boyfriend. When I try to explain how disorienting this crazy environment is my boyfriend spends five minutes explaining to me that the place is "mellow. There's no music or wild girls dancing on the tables, that would be crazy."

If I could make a decent living and find love just being me, I would be so much less miserable. But I haven't figured out how to do these things without pretending to be an extrovert. Something I obviously don't do well enough since I'm "too quiet" and I would be amazing if I wasn't.

No matter how polite and agreeable I am, it's still not enough. People still want more from me. Once I felt extremely demoralized by this, but that has given way to anger. After reading the Introvert Advantage, I understand myself better, but it still hasn't shown me how to get what I want and still be myself. In this sense it's advantage extroverts.

I apologize for the exceedingly long post, but I had to get this stuff off my chest.

Long posts are ALWAYS welcomed here! I'm glad you visited. Never feel guilty for taking care of your needs, you wouldn't use a cell phone without putting it on the charger when it needed it. You have batteries too, and they need to be recharged just the same.