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September 30, 2005
Sad Dreams, Tears and Melancholy
The world outside my window is sunny and beautiful today, I'm sure there's not a cloud or shadow to be found, but behind my bamboo blinds I'm feeling a strange disconnect. I awoke about an hour ago in tears. I'd been dreaming that I was looking through an album of pictures of my brother Matt. Matt died when I was 12, over twenty years ago now, but I don't believe I really started to grieve him until I was in my 30's.
In a way it seems odd to me to experience grief in such a delayed manner, but earlier this year I took the time to write out my thoughts on the significance of grief. My grandmother passed away in January (read my brother Dave's account here) and at that time I did a lot of mental processing both of her death, as well as revisiting my brother's death. Here are my thoughts on the grieving process.
It seems that all my life I've been told that grieving
someone who's died is "selfish" because they are in a much
better place now. I've come to reject that idea, and
embrace grief and the grieving process as healthy. For me,
grieving is not simply just feeling sorry that someone is
no longer with us, but is a way of honoring that person.
Grief acknowledges the place that person held in our life,
and allows the mind to rearrange things so that we will be
able to continue on in the absence of that person.
Stifling the grieving process by dismissing it as
selfishness prevents the mind from releasing the person
who's passed on, and traps us in an unhealthy mindset. I
really don't believe that I was helped to grieve when Matt
died, and didn't really come to grieve him until nearly
twenty years after his death. What I do remember is being
instructed that our place was to help others express their
grief, but our own grief was dismissed.
The one thing I am ever greatful for was Uncle Vic, who
attended the family viewing the day of the funeral. I
think that being a doctor gave him a perspective on grief
that he acted on in giving me a memory that I will hold
onto forever. I remember him standing by the casket with
me, taking my hand and placing it gently over Matt's hand.
I remember the feel of his skin, cold and soft against
mine, but a very real connection between us. And that
connection is what I hold onto now that I'm free to embrace
that grief, and know that it is a healing process.
Posted by Anna at 12:29 PM | Comments (4)
September 29, 2005
On the Nightstand
When I read other blogs, one of my favorite sections is seeing what books the blog author is reading, or recommends reading. I love to read, if there is a category in my personal budget which is out of proportion with the rest of my budget it would be "books" (it also gets "blown" frequently, which I tend to justify by reminding myself I don't drink, smoke or have any other costly habits). Most of the books I read are non-fiction, and the subject matter varies greatly. When I read I am obsessive, I reserve reading for weekends only, because when I pick up a book life stops until I reach the back cover.
I have a section titled "Bookshelf" where I review books I've found fascinating (not every book I read achieves this status). I've toyed with the idea of adding an "On the Nightstand" section so you can see what I'm currently reading, but books don't go unread in my home for long, so it would more likely be a "Books I'm Watching my Mailbox For" section. Currently I have on order from Half.com the following: "Optimal Thinking" by Rosalene Glickman and "The Now Habit" by Neil Fiore. I'm also waiting for "If Disney Ran Your Hospital" by Fred Lee which I won on Ebay (which should be intersting, as I do not work in the medical profession at all, but earn my living by making car parts). This weekend I'll be reading "Beyond Politics" by William C. Mitchell and Randy T. Simmons. I'm still working on "Wet Mind: The New Cognitive Neuroscience" by Stephen Michael Kosslyn and Olivier Koenig, but because the subject matter is so over-my-head I can only manage it in small bites, generally while waiting for my laundry at the laundromat.
Posted by Anna at 2:23 PM | Comments (1)
September 28, 2005
Mid-week "Pick-me-up"...
Wednesdays..... I hate them.
By Wednesday I'm starting to feel the effects of the work-week, and I'm looking for any good reason to not totally wipe the day off the calendar permanently. It's not close enough to the end of the week, it's not pay day, and all the memo's come out on Wednesday (you know the kind of memo I'm talking about). Plus, I got some weird stomach thing last night which resulted in projectile vomiting at three a.m., so I'm looking for any reason at all to just cancel today. Then "She's a Butterfly" by Martina McBride comes on (cheesy, I know). I feel better now.
Posted by Anna at 3:14 PM | Comments (3)
September 27, 2005
Cats
Ugh!!!
Let me just say I don't have any problems with cute, adorable kitties. Cats with good owners, no problems. Cats with bad owners, BIG problems. I have new neighbors, they've been here about two weeks. They have two sweet little kittens. One of their sweet little kittens introduced itself about a week and a half ago by climbing on my window screen. I don't want to pay for damage to my window screen, so I introduced the sweet little thing to my squirt bottle, end of problem. Since that time the only interaction I've had with it was avoiding stepping on it's sleeping body in the middle of the stairs.
However, I have noticed it's decided the area under the stairs is the perfect potty, as well as "headless rodent" cemetery. After a couple days of walking past I decided if it wasn't taken care of I was going to pitch a bitch with my landlord. This morning I ran to Kroger, what I went to get is pointless, because now I have no stomach to eat. Not only did I have to face the mess left by the kitten, I had to face a swarm of flies who have abandoned the headless rodent for the containers of uneaten people food, so lovingly left by the dear little felines owners. (Who would think that cats like macaroni or peaches anyway?)
And, yes, I called the landlord who assured me he would come look at it today, I swear if its still like that when I get home from work tonight I am going to call the health department.
Posted by Anna at 1:02 PM | Comments (3)
September 25, 2005
Mmmmmmmm....
Roasted Pears with Honey
Peel pears & remove cores, makes sure bottom of each pear is flat. Brush the pears with melted butter and roll in sugar. Stand them vertically in a shallow baking pan. Pour 3/4 c. water into the bottom of the pan. Roast at 425*, brushing them occasionally with the liquid in the bottom of the pan until they are tender (about 40 min.) Serve warm or at room temperature with honey drizzled over them.
Recipe from "5 a day" by Dr. Elizabeth Pivonka and Barbara Berry
Posted by Anna at 5:06 PM | Comments (0)
September 22, 2005
Happy Discardia!!!
Today begins the celebration of Discardia. I can't find a link for it now, but some time ago I read about the disparity between American homes and homes in other countries. The average American home has somewhere around 10,000 items in it, the ideal is closer to 200 items. I don't think I have a whole lot of extraneous stuff in my little one bedroom apartment, but I'm sure I'm well over 200 items.
Between now and October Third its time to get rid of the stuff and ideas clogging up your life. Can we make this a paid holiday?
Posted by Anna at 2:51 PM | Comments (2)
September 21, 2005
DUH!!!
How many times have you heard "there's no such thing as a stupid question"? I'm here to say, yes there is, and I have been asked some. But today's stupid question is brought to us by the "Quick Vote" poll on CNN.com.
"If you were in the projected path of Hurricane Rita, would you evacuate?"
That, folks, is a stupid question.
Posted by Anna at 3:25 AM | Comments (1)
September 19, 2005
Changing Seasons
It's not officially here yet, but here are some of my favorite things about fall.
Electric blankets
Hot Apple Cider
INDIAN CORN!!!!!
That "clean apartment glow" after major fall cleaning.
Sweaters
Posted by Anna at 12:47 PM | Comments (3)
September 16, 2005
A good clean joke
This came to me as a forward of a forward, so if you've already heard it, I'm sorry.
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride-broom, the other the groom-broom. The bride-broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom-broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.
After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going to have a little 'whisk broom'!!!"
"IMPOSSIBLE !!!" said the groom-broom. "WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!"
Posted by Anna at 5:44 PM | Comments (0)
September 8, 2005
How to Mess Up Perfectly Good Children: A Primer
Here's a story about a nice family. Two devout Catholic parents doing their very best to raise their children in the Catholic tradition.
So why does this story send chills through me? I'm not opposed to anyone of any religion teaching their children their faith. What I am opposed to is the effect religious brainwashing has on children. I agree parents carry the burden of educating their children, but I consider home-schooling the worst form of education. While it may be an acceptable way to teach the "three R's", I think it retards socialization and critical thinking skills.
The well meaning parents in this article only want to protect their children from all the evil in the world, but those kids will not always be kids, and are going to need some life skills in dealing with evil or they will be eaten alive when they finally reach the "real world". This is why we vaccinate our children against harmful diseases, we understand exposure to certain levels of the bacteria or viruses which cause those diseases will build immunity, should they be confronted with those bugs later in life their body will know how to fight it.
While these parents may hold a deep faith, they are teaching their children mindless religious practices. Staring at a cruxifix on a wall for five minutes may be a deeply touching time for an adult, but it means nothing to a child. I strongly recommend they take a day off from their "routine" and read Alice Miller's "For Your Own Good". I would send them my copy, but I've already loaned it out.
Posted by Anna at 1:12 PM | Comments (0)
September 7, 2005
Random Musings
Why I like Male Doctors better than Female Nurse Practicioners.....
I went to the walk-in clinic for yet another follow up on my hand. I thought on the visit last week she would cut me loose, after all the wound was completely closed up, the scab had come off, and the risk of infection was past. Besides, I was already doing my "pre-injury" job, just getting a little more help than usual. NO! "Come back in a week," she said. So I went in today, quite proud of my progress in healing, but sure she would not cut me loose since I haven't regained the ability to fully bend the finger.
Much to my surprise instead of the Nurse Practicioner, (she must have been tied up with some of the numerous well-dressed drug reps who kept streaming in the door while I was waiting) a "real Doctor" walked into the room. Was I ever glad to see him, while female health-care providers are nurturing, male health-care providers are confident. He took a cursory look at my pinky and said "Looks good, you don't need to come back anymore." That was it, some notes scribbled on the paper I have to take back to work, a check mark on the line saying I'm released with no restrictions, with chart in hand I was out the door. I wish I'd seen him the first time I went in.
Thoughts on Hurricane Katrina coverage...
After about 15 minutes of watching tv, the coverage is all the same, the same people, reporting the same stories, over and over and over, only the names and locations are changed. It is time for the news media to find something else to report. I must say I found the attitude of one Katrina refugee annoying today, I understand that their lives are totally disrupted, but if it was me I would be developing a plan and moving on it. It is time for the Red Cross or FEMA or someone to send in some "life coaches" to start working with the displaced victims to come up with a plan so they can start doing for themselves. That may be the best form of emergency assistance we could provide. I would personally volunteer for that one.
Adventures at Kroger
After going to the walk-in clinic I had some errands to run, including a trip to Kroger for some items I need for my top-secret mission to an undisclosed location this weekend, as well as something to take with me for dinner at work tonight. As I drove around looking for a place to park I found myself wondering aloud "Is it fixin' to snow?" As strange as that may sound when the temperature is over 80*, that is the only time I have seen the Kroger parking lot so packed. Only when I was inside the store did it hit me, Wednesday is SENIOR DISCOUNT DAY!!! ack! There should be public service announcements on tv, reminding anyone under 60 of this, so they can check their food supply, and stock up on any items they are low on so they will not need to go to Kroger from Tuesday night to Thursday morning.
Posted by Anna at 2:46 PM | Comments (2)
September 6, 2005
This is good....
While I don't think there is anything to be gained by pointing fingers, assigning blame and calling for high ranking government officials' heads on platters, this is funny.
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2005/9/6/84157/56334
Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff and FEMA director Michael Brown make headway...
Chertoff: All I'm tryin' to find out is what's the guy's name in charge of food and water.
Brown: Oh, no, wait a minute, don't switch 'em around. What is in charge of evacuation.
Chertoff: I'm not askin' you who's in charge of evacuation.
Brown: Who is on food and water.
Chertoff: I don't know!
Brown: He's in charge of media spin...now we're not talkin' 'bout him.
Chertoff: Now, how did I get on media spin?
Brown: You mentioned his name!
Chertoff: If I mentioned the media spin guy's name, who did I say is in charge of media spin?
Brown: No...Who's in charge of food and water.
Chertoff: Never mind food and water, I wanna know what's the guy's name in charge of media spin.
Brown: No, What's in charge of evacuation.
Chertoff: I'm not askin' you who's in charge of evacuation!
Brown: Who's in charge of food and water.
Chertoff: I don't know!
Brown: He's in charge of media spin.
Chertoff: Aaah! Would you please stay on media spin and don't go off it?
Brown: What was it you wanted?
Chertoff: Now who's in charge of media spin?
Brown: Now why do you insist on putting Who in charge of media spin?
Chertoff: Why? Who am I putting over there?
Brown: Yes. But we don't want him there.
Chertoff: What's the guy's name in charge of media spin?
Brown: What is in charge of evacuation.
Chertoff: I'm not askin' you who's in charge of evacuation.
Brown: Who's in charge of food and water.
Chertoff: I don't know.
Brown & Chertoff: MEDIA SPIN!!
Chertoff: You got someone in charge of fixing the levees?
Brown: Oh yes!
Chertoff: The guy's name?
Brown: Why.
Chertoff: I don't know, I just thought I'd ask you.
Brown: Well, I just thought I'd tell you...
Posted by Anna at 3:30 PM | Comments (0)
This makes no sense to me...
Maybe it's the introvert in me, but I cannot understand why evacuees from New Orleans would balk at the idea of moving onto a luxury cruise ship. I can understand not wanting to be constantly uprooted, but for the chance at a little personal space, it would be well worth it. These people are not in a permanent setting anyway. Why would the parent of small children not want to give their kids a bed they could sleep in without thousands of other people milling around? How about a private bathroom? The space to be a family again? Besides, if another hurricane approaches, 4000 people could easily be moved to safety. Whatever logic is behind this, is seriously messed up.
Posted by Anna at 1:20 PM | Comments (2)
September 4, 2005
Natural Disaster vs. Terrorist Attack
Well, it finally started, I knew it wouldn't take long, the federal governments response to Hurricane Katrina has turned into a thermometer of it's preparedness for a major terror attack. I thought Al Queda would claim responsibility for Hurricane Katrina, but so far that has not happened. But something else has been gnawing at the edges of my thoughts for the last day or so, and tonight it has come to the forefront.
Hurricane Katrina vs. a major terror attack is an apples and oranges comparison, and here's why. Hurricanes and other natural disasters are for the most part known in advance, and those in the path of destruction have time to prepare. Major terror attacks are sudden and unexpected with little or no time for preparation. Following a major terror attack (or, to be fair, unexpected natural disaster such as an earthquake) the leaders and problem-solvers rise to the occasion, assessing the situation and deciding on appropriate actions, usually without waiting to be given charge. The others look to them for direction and follow their lead. In the event of an anticipated disaster the majority of leaders and problem-solvers heed evacuation orders and are miles away from ground zero when the dust clears.
While there may be a few prominent leaders left, they are spread too thin to be able to adequately address all the critical issues. The remaining survivors are left with little ability to assess the situation, evaluate resources and form appropriate actions. In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, the victims, shell-shocked and desperate found no leaders to guide them, until a "John Wayne" Lt. General arrived on the scene, taking control and barking orders. All of a sudden there is hope, someone is in charge, he knows the situation, has resources, and most importantly, a plan. We all know who to look to.
(And, as an aside, I am watching the players here with interest, because I think our 2008 presidential candidates will emerge from this disaster.)
Posted by Anna at 2:41 AM | Comments (3)
September 2, 2005
Where IS the federal government?
Hurricane Katrina has cried herself out, the winds long dead, but the drama that is Katrina is still unfolding for the costal cities which bore the brunt of her destruction. The stories are heart-wrenching to say the least; hungry, sick, hot, desperate people living in conditions likened to a third-world country, waiting for any help available. Cities and States have exhausted their resources. The cry has become deafening, everyone is asking "Where IS the federal government?" Women are being raped on their way to restrooms, men are being robbed, Police officers are hostages in their own station, gunfire, looting, crime is rampant. And just where is the federal government anyway?
The federal government is made up of people, people with powerful jobs, but people no less, just like you and me. They command troops, they control large amounts of money. Money they get from you and me, those of us who file our 1040's every year and hope we will be receiving a check instead of writing one. Those of us who read our paystubs every week and complain about how much of our check disappeared into the hands of the government.
I would like to ask another question. Where ARE the Americans? In the days following 9/11 we heard story after story of courage, of people just like you and me who did whatever they could to help those affected by the terrorist attacks. During the massive power outage in 2003 which affected New York City, as well as many other cities in the eastern part of the country we heard stories of Americans banding together to make the best of a bad situation. Now we have thousands and thousands of Americans who have lost everything. Everything except their lives, and their character. These people are living in deplorable conditions, but they are still Americans and they have the ability to band together to help each other in the midst of chaos. Where are the men of character who are willing to stand guard over the ladies restrooms? Where are the moms who are willing to band together to give each other a chance to rest? Where are the stories of courage, of Americans doing what they do best?
I saw a tiny example several months ago in my little town of Cookeville, Tennessee. As I was driving down a city street there was a van coming the other way, flames bursting out from underneath. I turned around to see if I could get the drivers attention, but by the time I caught up with it, other drivers had already accomplished that. I pulled out of the way and watched as ordinary citizens became emergency responders. Some jumped out of vehicles, fire extinguishers in hand, others helped ensure the occupants were out of the vehicle and clear of the area, cell phones were used to call 911. Employees of a nearby restaurant emerged with more fire extinguishers. A man and woman dressed in their Sunday church clothes were directing traffic away from the area and clearing it for the emergency vehicles which would be arriving shortly. The fire was out before the fire truck arrived on the scene, the impromptu traffic controllers waved for me to go, and I followed their directions. Inside I was bursting with pride for the community I live in.
We look to the federal government in extreme situations, but at the heart of the government is a mirror, and looking back from that mirror is you, and me.
Posted by Anna at 9:46 PM | Comments (1)
September 1, 2005
Do Something
It's hard to believe there is anything else going on in the world besides the devastation caused by Hurricane Katrina. Hearing the stories of the survivors breaks my heart, I feel powerless, wondering what I can do to help. There are countless organizations taking donations to fund their relief work. I chose to donate through America's Second Harvest, my $25.00 donation will provide around 500 pounds of food for those affected. If you're looking for a way you can help, there are many links on the Network for Good, the hard part is picking which one you will support. After you've donated (or if you already have), come back here and leave a comment about it, lets see what an impact we can make.
Posted by Anna at 2:48 PM | Comments (0)