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July 2, 2006
My First Research Report.....
Effects of Common Household Chemicals on Mamba Jamba Sized Cockroaches: An Informal Study
1. Introduction / Project Description:
The purpose of this study was to identify household chemicals which were effective as insecticides on Mamba Jamba sized Cockroaches.
2. Methods and Results:
Subject for this study was a Periplaneta Americana, subjects age and gender were unknown, size of subject was recorded only as "Mamba Jamba".
Subject was initially observed for control purposes during Phase One, subject demonstrated normal physical agility and concealment techniques when exposed to light, eg. racing behind the research institute toilet out of the sight of the slightly hysterical female researcher.
During Phase Two, subject was again observed lounging on toilet paper roll inches from body of aformentioned hysterical female researcher. On second observation, hysterical female researcher administered repeated applications of a proprietary blend of detergents, solvents, fragrance, Ammonia-D®, and alcohol (referred to in the rest of this report as "Windex®"). Subject immediately engaged in avoidance behaviors, eg. attempting to crawl behind toilet paper roll in order to avoid chemical application.
Effects of application of "Windex®" on subject were only temporary, dissapating in less than 90 minutes, and subject showed no impairment of agility, which was demonstrated by ascending to the vertex of the research institute shower. On later observation, subject did appear to display a streak-free shine.
While observing subject on the shower, the frenetic female researcher began applications of a proprietary blend of water, glycerin, organic solvent, surfectants, Cyfluthrin and Imidacloprid (referred to in the rest of the report as "Rose and Flower Insect Killer"). Researcher began with nozzle of applicator in the "spray" position, later switching to "stream" position for increased accuracy in application after subject's avoidance behaviors lessened.
Obsessive application of "Rose and Flower Insect Killer" was necessary to produce a notable effect on subject, but effects were permanent as subject was later observed in the supine position on the kitchen floor of the research institute, with little noticeable movement of appendages or antenae. Subject was immediately placed in sensory deprivation chamber which was then weighted to prevent egression.
Also considered for use in the study was the household chemical "Easy-Off Oven Cleaner", however subject was not available for additional phases of the study.
3. Conclusion:
This study was intentionally limited in scope, however the research team feels fairly confident in concluding that "Windex®" is not an effective chemical against Mamba Jamba sized cockroaches. The research team further concludes that "Windex®" is not likely to be an effective agent on smaller sizes of cockroaches, but would likely provide them with a "streak-free" shine as well.
While "Rose and Flower Insect Killer" proved to be effective in erradicating the Mamba Jamba sized cockroach, further research is needed to establish the lowest effective dose.
Further studies will be necessary to establish the effectiveness of "Easy Off Oven Cleaner" against Mamba Jamba sized cockroaches. Further studies are also needed to determine effectiveness of household cleaners on cockroaches of smaller sizes.
This report has not been subjected to peer review.
Posted by Anna at July 2, 2006 12:31 AM
Comments
This was a very funny article. Thanks for the laugh. :)
Posted by: windex at June 20, 2009 12:18 PM
Wrong, wrong, wrong! You have to knock the cockroack over onto its back and then spray it with Windex. The cockroach will be dead in under a minute. I have to do this at least once a day (cockroach problem in apt...). If you spray it on its wings, it will be stunned for a few minutes but will recover. Flip the cockroach over and attack!
Cheers, and have fun.
Posted by: Cockroach killer at July 26, 2009 4:55 AM