October 2, 2006
Part 9
Q. Is the same sex family about the needs of children or the wants of adults?
Mr. Stanton talks about an interview between Dianne Sawyer and Rosie O'Donnell in which Rosie is asked about her son Parker, then six years old. Rosie said she gives this answer when her son Parker says he wants a daddy.
"If you were to have a daddy, you couldn't have me as a mommy, because I'm the kind of mommy who wants another mommy."
This is an incredibly moving appeal for the case of heterosexual families. Mr. Stanton asks "How different is Rosie than the 1970's and 80's pariah man who goes out and gets a trophy wife?"
Imagine for a minute you are a ten year-old boy who has been in foster care for the last four years. You have no idea who your "real dad" is, and your memories of your mother cause you to wake with cold sweats in the middle of the night. You've had many foster siblings, and a few foster parents, but you have no family you can call "yours".
One day, when you're visiting your social worker, the one permanent person in your life, she tells you this: "Johnny, I know of someone who wants you in their family. They picked you, out of all the other kids waiting for forever families, they picked you. They have good jobs, live in a nice house where you would have your own bedroom, they're even talking about buying you a bike already. But, there is no mom in this house, it's just two dads, what do you think? The decision is up to you." Would you walk out of the social workers office kicking your feet in the dirt because you don't want two dads, or would you float out of there with the information that somebody wants you? Would you fall asleep that night still wondering if you would ever have a mom and a dad or would you lay awake all night thinking "I have TWO dads, and they want me!"
What happens to the 20,000 to 30,000 children who "age out" of foster care each year? The future for these young adults is bleak, a study by Mark Courtney at the University of Chicago found that 25% become homeless, 56% are unemployed and 27% of males wind up in jail. Even those who manage to make it on their own lack family connections. "The day I graduated, I was there alone," says Jelani Freeman, who aged out of the foster care system after ten years. "My Christmases and Thanksgivings are spent, to this day, at home alone or at co-workers' houses, which doesn't feel right. It always feels like something's missing."
There may be same-sex parents who treat their children as the 70's pariah man who takes a trophy wife, I don't know if Rosie O'Donnell is one or not. There surely are heterosexual families who do the same. But there are a great number of gay men who have the heart of a father, and lesbian women who have the heart of a mother. Why would we deny children a loving, forever family because they do not fit our mental image of what a family is?
Posted by Anna at October 2, 2006 12:00 AM