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July 27, 2008
Weekend Quest
***authors note*** this post was kidnapped by blogsphere gremlins and only recently escaped captivity.***
For my thirty-sixteenth birthday someone I trust explicitly talked me into making an odyssey to the Land of Dysfunctional Maps. Bored with the minutiae of every day life and drawn in by her convincing tales of abundant treasure to be found, I eagerly agreed.
At daybreak (which arrives around 11:00 am local time), we set out in search of adventure. So sure were we of our destination, we left our internal compasses and my digital camera behind. (Which explains why there is no picture of us in search of adventure.) We stopped first at the local Starbucks, in order to procure sustenance for our travels.
Ignoring the advice of google maps we followed a secret passageway, which promised fewer interstate perils. We soon arrived at our destination, believing all we had to do was locate the red X, and treasure would be ours. Legend had failed to prepare us for the sights we were to behold, buildings upturned and laying atop one another, surely a giant troll or some other raging beast had just passed through. Along our way were many other travel weary pilgrims, seeking the same treasure we had come for.
We made a stop at the home of a local seer named Tourist Information and were provided with several maps, each more confusing than the other. Was North to the right, left, top or bottom? We followed the path marked "You are lost", turned around, backtracked, turned around again. At the city limit sign of "Getting Colder" I realized we were in a totally different hamlet than the treasure was purported to be in and my companion alerted me to the fact our reserves were low.
We were able to ascertain our location as the intersection of "You are lost" and "What the Hell!?!?" My companion left a trail of breadcrumbs to mark our path. In this clearing was a cottage marked "Wendy's", where the inhabitants were more than happy to provide food and drink. We drank the elixir of knowledge, and the maps tightly held secrets were revealed. We marked our path, and resumed our journey, our hunger for treasure growing more intense with each passing moment.
With only a few minor mis-steps we arrived under the red X, and behold, the vast treasure awaiting. Under a neon arrow claiming "You are here" a local waif promised protection for my dusty carriage, for a small fee, and we gladly accepted his offer. On the street marked "Finally found what I'm looking for" we stood, mouths agape, stunned by the strange, amazing and sometimes terrible sights. There was more to see and do here than we could take in on just one day. We wandered along, two more pilgrims in the Land of Dysfunctional Maps, stopping sometimes to scoop up treasure until our pockets could carry no more. It was well past nightfall before we returned to the car and set out on the road marked "Take me back to Kansas", exhausted yet content.
Awaking this morning, it all seemed so long ago and far away, but for one small reminder that it really had happened, just the way I remember.
Posted by Anna at 3:27 AM | Comments (2)
July 19, 2008
On The Rebound....
My feet were completely off the floor during the unfolding process, there is no picture because my photographer was sitting on the other side hoping it would not snap into place too quickly.
Putting the legs on.
Putting the legs on the second time after realizing I had not put the protective casing around the perimeter.
Checking to see if the counter is working. Do not be deceived by the oxygen tubing, it is not actually connected to the machine at this point. Another blonde hair is born.
Posted by Anna at 6:38 PM | Comments (0)
What's in YOUR Wallet???
Waiting to pay at the Starbucks drive-thru window:
Elsie: "Let me pay this time". *scrambling to retrieve money*
Me: "Nope, I got it". *pulling money out of pocket*
E: "No, here, let me". *still scrambling*
M: "No. I have it already, you're too late. I'm quicker than you".
E: "You are quicker". *thrusting $5.00 bill at me* "Here, use this instead".
M: "Nope".
E: "Well, take it anyway".
M: "No. Put that back in your bra". *pause* "I don't want your money, there's no telling where it's been".
Posted by Anna at 5:54 PM | Comments (0)
July 13, 2008
There are things you do because they feel right & they may make no sense & they may make no money & it may be the real reason we are here: to love each other & to eat each other's cooking & say it was good. -- Brian Andreas
Minnesotan Mom, serving finnish pancakes and krumkaka.
Posted by Anna at 12:43 PM | Comments (0)
July 5, 2008
47 foot leash, check
My own clothes, check
Real food, check
It's good to be home.
Posted by Anna at 10:04 PM | Comments (0)
July 2, 2008
Hospital Hacks: Food and Nutrition
The key to ordering hospital food is realizing they are not offering actual food, but flavored cardboard, or salted and colored water. All food choices must be done either 24 hours in advance, or will be made by proxy while you are sound asleep so as to keep you guessing as to what you are supposed to be fed.
Monday night's dinner was cardboard flavored chicken with gravy and shreded paper dressing. Lunch on Tuesday was vegetable flavored water with red coloring. Tuesday night I was afraid to even look but was told it was pork flavored cardboard with breading. This morning; french toast flavored cardboard without the dignity of strawberries and whipped cream.
Occasionally there will be fruit on the tray. This is actual food and is safe to eat, because there is no way to mess up grapes, strawberries, bananas and the like. Do not confuse this fruit, however, with the emaciated fruit coctail added in with the red jello, because the ways to mess that up are enumerable.
I am plotting my escape, the only problem is my getaway driver won't cooperate.
Posted by Anna at 8:33 AM | Comments (0)
July 1, 2008
Hospital Hacks...
The shortest path between two points is always a straight line. The shortest path to your nurse is to remove the little finger monitor and wait.
Posted by Anna at 10:08 AM | Comments (0)
When Life Gives You Lemons: Inpatient Hospital Edition
I'll stay out of the "dying with dignity" debate for now, but I am going to pee with dignity. Which means using the real toilet behind the hardwood door, as opposed to the makeshift toilet located in front of the open window six stories above street level. Thankyouverymuch.
The good thing is that when you are in the hospital, for some reason being crotchety is always taken a sign of improvement, Apparently I have "improved" considerably in the past few hours.
Posted by Anna at 5:42 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack