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October 25, 2008
This isn't Mr. Roger's Neighborhood...
So I'm industriously changing out my door locks today, a few days after arriving home from work at 4 am and discovering Neighbor A and her entire family sleeping in my house uninvited, when someone raps loudly on my kitchen door. I go to the door and discover soon to be X-Neighbor B standing there. He expresses concern over the fact that my lawnmower is sitting in Neighbor A's yard in light of the current drama. I admit to him that I am uncomfortable with it as well, and have attempted to contact her over the location of it's key so I can tuck it back behind my house.
As we are talking soon to be X-Neighbor B tells me he is being kicked out by his girlfriend because of some unknown action of Neighbor A. I am generally distrustful of soon to be X-Neighbor B, if only because of his interior decorating in my kitchen back when my house was his. During our conversation he repeatedly hits on me, inquires whether I am in the market for a boyfriend, admits he still has extra keys for my house, offers to push my lawnmower over to my yard and in doing so begs me to not let anyone know he helped me, and states that he would do anything for me. The last time he told me how attractive I am, I countered with the information that I'm also very smart.
Needless to say this interaction inspired me to complete my lock-changing task with no more procrastination and in the process impressed me with my own brilliance at unknowingly buying locks which can open the door from the inside without having to unlock it, which means I will not have to worry about uninvited guests because I forgot to lock the door. It also means I will have to embed a spare key into my body so when I invariably lock myself out I will not have to break any windows. I'm trying to decide if my next task should be re-keying the lawn mower or adopting the biggest meanest dog I can find.
I thought I asked for a fairy-tale life, not this soap opera.
Posted by Anna at October 25, 2008 5:59 PM
Comments
There is lots of affordable housing in Roanoke.
Posted by: Gloria at October 31, 2008 4:20 PM
Uhhhh... yeah, but then not only do I have to worry about the crazy neighbors, but I have to worry about the crazy relatives.
Posted by: Anna at November 1, 2008 8:14 PM